The moment you decide to bring a little one onto this earth, you should realize that it is a lifetime commitment. It’s not a new toy that when the novelty wears off, you can give it away or for that matter exchange it. Deciding to become a parent is a humongous step in one’s life. Do it for yourself and not for your parents, who want you to have children so they can become grandparents. First spend time with other people’s children, nieces, or nephews before you finally decide to introduce your own little bundle of joy to this earth.
In the beginning, its tiny little feet and tiny
little fingers are so very cute. It is so adorable to hold them and cuddle them.
You just want to keep them wrapped in a blanket safely, snuggled as close to
you as possible.
As time flies and soon before you know it, this tiny little bundle has learned to turn, crawl, walk, and even run. There’s no holding back what was once this tiny little bundle. So we do what parents think is the best for their new little introduction to the world. We try to teach them everything in the quickest frame of time in the name of independence.
So-called Independence
We are obviously very proud of ourselves
when they can operate the television remote or get absorbed in anything else
besides nagging us for attention right?
So this little unassuming tiny little
bundle will enjoy this entirely new environment, taking in everything their
little minds can absorb, and rest assured soon enough they will be developing a
mouth full of words that will make you want to curl up in the fetal position
and cry your guts out.
Reality Check
“What! Wait a moment, are you serious?” I have
done everything humanly possible to make my little bundle of joy happy, I have worked
unbelievable hours so he could be clothed, have good food, a comfortable house, and an education in the most expensive tertiary institute. So what is the
problem? I don’t understand. I thought my little bundle of joy was happy. I
thought I did my very best. After all, I was juggling a full-time career, my
children, my household, and my aging parents, and struggling through a difficult
marriage. So where did I go wrong? Were
all the sacrifices I made not worth it?
The fact was that I always put them first.
There were many times that I made selfless sacrifices like trying to make my outfits
work so I didn’t have to invest in a whole new wardrobe, preparing home-cooked meals instead of wasting money on expensive takeout, and searching for the
cheapest options when the house required repairs. I did all of this and more
just so that I could save enough money for their education and also take care
of all their basic needs, which included medical aid.
So how come all of this is happening? I’m
getting labeled as a bad parent.
Okay good people and those of you who want
to bring a cute little bundle of joy into this world, let me explain to you what
is of great significance and value to your precious little one?
The answer is YOUR LOVE & UNDIVIDED ATTENTION!
It’s nothing more, nothing less.
In Retrospection
Ask any grown-up today what did they crave
the most from their parents during their childhood and they will tell you, it was
their parent’s love and attention. They will not remember the expensive gifts
but what they will remember is the bone-crushing hugs from their dads or a
loving kiss on the cheek from their moms on their first day of school.
So put your checkbook away, stop what
you’re doing and please go on your knees with your little one, who could be
anything from 1 to 10 years old, and just be there absolutely present in that
moment. I say 10 years because not only are these the most important years of
your child’s life but also given the fast-paced world we are currently living
in, before you know it your child will be all grown up and would not even hold
your hand in public. So it’s very important to build this strong foundation
with them in the first ten years of their lives so you set the solid stage for
the rest of their lives. The secret is to build your bond in the first 10 years
and this continuous bond will take care of them for the rest of their lives especially the
rollercoaster teen years of their lives.
The Most Important Investment of Your Life
The first ten years of your child’s life
should be considered a ten-year investment in what is going to be one of
your greatest accomplishments in life.
The ten years practically slip through
your fingers so I urge you to hold on tight during this time. Not only spending
time with your children but paying attention like someone superior to you is
speaking to you, is of paramount importance. Listen to them and their little
worries and concerns. Provide reassurance even if you have to do it a hundred times.
Slowly but surely get to the bottom of their every whim and try to understand
them and help them resolve this together with you. Don’t take anything they say
lightly. Make sure to get involved in every stage of their lives and in everything
that they do. If you are uncertain about anything that may be bothering you,
then ask questions to get a better understanding of what they are going
through. Please do not ignore them or the situation and hope that the problem
will get resolved on its own or simply disappear.
Even at times when they lash out at you,
wait for the situation to calm down and then approach them in a neutral
environment and find out what’s really bothering them. 9 out of 10 times it is
a serious matter that they’re dealing with. Please do not ignore your young
ones and think that this problem they having will go away with time or that
they will grow out of it. If they do bring your attention to a particular
problem they are facing, this is your opportunity to become the hero in their
lives. You do your best in assisting them by supporting them. They have the
potential to resolve their own problems but all they need from you is love,
support, understanding, and guidance. They will be just fine. The one thing you
should never do is respond in any negative way or express your disappointment
when they reach out to you regarding a problem or challenge that they are
facing.
If you need to seek professional help you
can, but in most instances, the truth is all your lovely child wants is to be loved,
heard, seen, hugged, and acknowledged as a very, very important part of your
very being, your very soul and your very existence. They need to know that they
are here because you wanted them. You planned their arrival and you were
waiting in anticipation for them. Explain how impatient you were to see them, how
you couldn’t wait to meet them and hold them.
That is how you take care of your precious gift from GOD. They will inevitably find interests, hobbies, and activities but don’t ever lose sight of your need to be attentive. Always be there for them. In fact, you should strive to become your child’s best friend and if you ever get called that, then this is the biggest title you will ever receive. There is no other title in the whole entire world that will bring you such gratification.
Be their Rock
The bond you create in the first ten years
will grow bigger and stronger over the next decades of your children’s lives.
Their lives are changing but guess what they still need you more than ever. You
have to continue striving to be their best friend. I did warn you it’s a
lifetime commitment. You are not allowed to opt-out.
You will know the time to let go completely
but it is important to be the support system to your children throughout your
life as far as you are capable of. Someone they can reach out to without being
judged, someone they can talk to knowing that the conversation stays
confidential, and someone that they can wholeheartedly trust with anything for
that matter.
If you can still hold your title as being
your child’s best friend in their adulthood then you can claim that you are a
good parent.
Love you lots…
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