We Are All Going To Go Through This At Some Point of Our Lives

I’m referring to the back-and-forth break-up. It’s really important to know what to expect in such a situation and how to handle it.

What is a back-and-forth break-up really trying to tell you? Let’s unpack this a little.

The Addiction

Generally, we look at others to fulfill some missing link in our own lives and this could be anything. We look at others to fill a void in our lives and as soon as we find what we think is “The One” we become attached to this individual and sooner than later we start to feel so needy of this person. It becomes addictive to be in their presence, hear their voice or simply receive a text from them. Do we ever stop and ask ourselves why do we hold this feeling, which I must add is only temporary, with so much importance, with so much addiction?

The Game

On the other hand “The One” we are so “attracted” to, not so surprisingly picks up on this “addiction” and they play their best game ever while we are at their every beck and call. They start throwing tantrums, play the victim in everything, act as if the whole world is against them, have the hardest job on the planet, have the most terrible parents and etc., etc. This is all in the name of seeking attention from you, who has fallen head over heels in love with them. The big secret is out. They have you exactly where they want you and they will play you like a fiddle.

The Warning

So dear loved ones, please be aware of such behavior.

Please do not give your power to anyone. Anyone who expects you to be a shoulder for them whenever they are going through something rough should also give you equal attention, time, and respect.

Please be aware of being used for the bad times only. Sympathize and empathize but do it to a safe extent, where you don’t do it at the expense of burning out. Please always remember you are important. You should care for yourself first and ensure that your cup is full. Only then, the overflow of your cup will be readily available to supply others unconditionally.

What does it mean to care for yourself? Look out for patterns from the other party. The tantrums, the false breakups, and then returning to the sanctity of the relationship when it suits them and pretending like nothing happened and trying to pick up from where they left off.

Saving yourself

Stop. Breathe. Say “No”. If you don’t want to be harsh, always politely turn them down, refusing to feed their devouring need for attention. Many such gentle brush-offs will finally make this person realize that you are not their punching bag or a sponge to absorb their mess every time they throw their toys out of the cot.

During these so-called breakups, there are usually a few hours or even a few days before they call again right? During this space of time, you would have not only gone through a thousand deaths but you would have felt that a part of you has been ripped off. You would have had to work extremely hard to repair this part of you or put together the broken pieces. During this space of time, you would have asked yourself a ton of soul-searching questions and even go as far as questioning your mere existence.

During this space, you would have filled your time with the things you really love doing. Maybe that’s eating your favorite meal for dinner, watching that movie you never had time for, reading a book, or whatever gave you comfort. You would have considered making new friends, upgrading your wardrobe, taking more care of yourself, or even showing interest in a new hobby.

So technically, you have moved on. If you have managed to divert the horrible feeling that any break up whether temporary or permanent leaves you with, and if you were able to pick yourself up and dust yourself off, then YOU ARE A WINNER!

Preserve yourself

Please do not fall into the trap of the vicious cycle that others want to lure you into. We live in an era where the best life you can live is the one with the least amount of drama.

There’s no time to waste on such antics. Life is too short. If someone wants to give you the runaround and feel all too important for you, then walk away. It will hurt like crazy but guess what, everything heals with time. No matter how big or how deep that wound is it will heal with time and we are designed in such a way, that we can only heal. There is no other option that you give yourself.

It's a human experience

Hurt and pain are all part of the living experience. You cannot go through life so cautiously that you carry your heart in a glass box.

Like every muscle in the body, your heart too will heal after breaking, recovering to be bigger, better, and stronger than ever.

Love you lots